Kang yoonhae / Cause and effect / First draft / Tuesday 9am
Audrey Hepburn, the glorious appearance and spirit
Do remember the beautiful princess who was walking around Fontana di trevi in the film Roman holiday? Audrey Hepburn, one of the most famous celebrities in history, is still missed until today by many fans. However, what makes her so special? In this essay, I will present my assertion with following categories; great actress, the fashion icon, and love for human.
To begin with, Audrey Hepburn is one of the greatest actresses during the period of black-and-white films. Her major works such as Roman holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany's, My fair lady are still being loved by many people. Her major films like Roman holiday are now considered as masterpieces. Her movie character was most likely to be an innocent, attractive girl who always curious about the world, and Audrey was a perfect one to match the character. Therefore, every audience who watched the film had no choice but to fall in love with her.
Furthermore, Audrey Hepburn is still now considered as a brilliant fashion icon. The trend that she made at that time are still seems fashionable. In addition, the famous brand like Givenchy has rose as Audrey became its muse. Givenchy's elegant and classic style fit with Audrey Hepburn and as the films became blockbusters, every young woman wanted to follow the trend. Still now, they admire Audrey Hepburn's style and want to be as adorable as the movie character that Audrey rolled.
Last but not least, the most important reason why Audrey Hepburn is still an influential celebrity is her love for human. After her retirement she worked as an ambassador of UNICEF and helped lots of people. She devoted her life to help poor children in Africa and tried to save them. For that, Audrey got several prizes for her devotion. She also had lots of speeches to encourage people do the charities. She changed public view of seeing a retired actress and give an impression of an ideal woman.
Not only Audrey's out appearances but also her beautiful spirit is being loved by people. Her entire life value can be showed with her saying this, "for attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed. Never throw out anybody. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others." Audrey Hepburn was always, but still now a glorious star.
From Yooli
ReplyDelete1. Your introduction includes the reasons why Audrey Hepburn is picked as one of the most beloved starts.
2. Every body paragraph elaborates on your main points. They have topic sentence and supporting details.
3. The reasons you suggested are persuasive.
4. I can find connectors such as , "Therefore".
5. The conclusion does not actually restate the points you made. Instead,v you provided a quotation which supported your whole essay.
6. Your evaluation was: Not only Audrey's out appearances but also her beautiful spirit is being loved by people.
From Jisuk Rhee
ReplyDeleteTo yoonhae Kang
1. The introduction includes a general thesis about the causes and effect:
In this essay, I will present my assertion with following categories; great actress, the fashion icon, and love for human.
2. Each body paragraph contains a topic sentence defining a specific cause.
-Audrey Hepburn is one of the greatest actresses during the period of black-and-white films.
-Audrey Hepburn is still now considered as a brilliant fashion icon.
-the most important reason why Audrey Hepburn is still an influential celebrity is her love for human.
3. The causes are explained in a logical way.
4. The writer use connectors to show cause and effect.
5. The conclusion restates the causes, but not each one of them.
Your writing work is well-organized and your topic is quite interesting. But, it would be better if you clearly restate the specific causes one by one in conclusion. :)
Audrey Hepburn, an ideal woman
ReplyDeleteKang yoonhae / Second draft / Tuesday 9am
Do remember the beautiful princess who was walking around Fontana di trevi in the film Roman holiday? Audrey Hepburn, one of the most famous celebrities in history, is still missed until today by many fans. However, what makes her so special? In this essay, I will describe about Audrey Hepburn with following categories: great actress, the fashion icon, and love for humanity.
To begin with, Audrey Hepburn is one of the greatest actresses during the period of black-and-white films. Her major works such as Roman holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, My fair lady are still being loved by many people. Her famous films like Roman holiday are now considered as masterpieces. Her movie characters feature an innocent, attractive girl who always curious about the world, and Hepburn was a perfect one to match the character. Therefore, every audience who watched the film had no choice but to fall in love with her.
Furthermore, Audrey Hepburn is still now considered as a brilliant fashion icon. The famous mini black dress became an icon of grace. Likewise, the other trends that she made at past are also seems fashionable even at present. In addition, the famous brand like Givenchy has thrived after Audrey Hepburn became its muse. Givenchy’s elegant and classic style fit with Audrey Hepburn and as the films became blockbusters, every young woman wanted to follow the trend. Still now they admire Audrey Hepburn’s style and want to be as adorable as the movie character that Hepburn rolled.
Last but not least, the most important factor of Audrey Hepburn’s popularity is her love for humanity. After her retirement she worked as an ambassador of UNICEF and helped lots of people. She devoted her life to help poor children in Africa and tried to save them. Consequently, she got several prizes for the devotion. She also had lots of speeches to encourage people volunteer for charities. Audrey Hepburn changed public view to a retired actress and give an impression of an ideal woman.
Not only Audrey’s out appearances but also her beautiful spirit is being loved by people. Her entire life value can be showed with her saying this, “for attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed. Never throw out anybody. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.” Audrey Hepburn was always, and still a glorious star.
I think my conclusion saying 'not only Audrey's out appearance but also her beautiful spirit is being loved by people' contains the whole paragraphs. Therefore, I think I don't need to change my conclusion.
DeleteAudrey Hepburn, the glorious
ReplyDeleteKang yoonhae / Final draft / Tuesday 9am
Do you remember the beautiful princess who was walking around Fontana di trevi in the film Roman holiday? Audrey Hepburn, one of the most famous celebrities in history, is still missed until today by many fans. However, what makes her so special? In this essay, I will describe about Audrey Hepburn with following categories: great actress, the fashion icon, and love for humanity.
To begin with, Audrey Hepburn is one of the greatest actresses during the period of black-and-white films. Her major works such as Roman holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, My fair lady are still being loved by many people. Her famous film, Roman holiday, is considered as a masterpiece. Her movie characters feature an innocent, attractive girl who always curious about the world, and Hepburn is a perfect one to match the character. Therefore, every audience who watched the film had no choice but to fall in love with her.
Furthermore, Audrey Hepburn is still now considered as a brilliant fashion icon. The famous mini black dress became an icon of grace. Likewise, the other trends that she made at past are also seem fashionable even at present. For an example, white blouse and flare skirt that Hepburn worn at Roman Holidays is called Hepburn-look and give motive to many fashion people. In addition, the famous brand like Givenchy has thrived after Audrey Hepburn became its muse. Givenchy’s elegant and classic style fit with Audrey Hepburn and as the films became blockbusters, every young woman wanted to follow the trend. Still now they admire Audrey Hepburn’s style and want to be as adorable as the movie character that Hepburn rolled.
Last but not least, the most important factor of Audrey Hepburn’s popularity is her love for humanity. After her retirement she worked as an ambassador of UNICEF and helped lots of people. She devoted her life to help and save poor children in Africa. Consequently, she got several prizes for the devotion from various peace organizations. She also had lots of speeches to encourage people volunteer for charities. Audrey Hepburn changed public view to a retired actress and give an impression of an ideal woman: Beautiful face and beautiful heart.
Not only Audrey’s out appearances but also her beautiful spirit is being loved by people. Her entire life value can be showed with her saying this, “for attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed and redeemed. Never throw out anybody. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands. “One for helping yourself, the other for helping others” Audrey Hepburn was always, still a glorious star.
Improvements
1) Fontana di trevi -> not English.
2) Her famous film, Roman holiday, is considered as a masterpiece. -> more specific
3) Hepburn is a perfect one to match the character -> change tense more naturally.
4) Seems → seem
5) For an example, white blouse and flare skirt that Hepburn worn at Roman Holidays is called Hepburn-look and give motive to many fashion people.(add) -> for more understandable.
6) She devoted her life to help and save poor children in Africa. -> more intensive.
7) Audrey Hepburn changed public view to a retired actress and give an impression of an ideal woman: Beautiful face and beautiful heart. -> more specific.
I wrote Fontana di trevi in italic writing but it doesn't appear like that in comment. yoonhae
Delete