Year of challenge
2014 is the year of challenge. The Sochi Winter Olympics and the Brazil World Cup, all the athletes who sacrified themselves in practicing give a challenge for medals or victory with their fearless and determined spirit. For me, the year 2014 is the challenging time too in 3 aspects; Army, license test and relationship.
Supporting a military officer will be an important challenge to me in this year. Live as a citizen in Korea, join an army is mandatory for man over 20. Because I am 23 years old now, I have to solve the issue of the army. I have to serve two years in the army, and because it is quite long and important period in my life, I have determined to be a military officer. Related with the time, preparing for a license is an issue too.
Preparing for the license specifically, the CPA examination will be a big challenge in this year. To be an accountant, I need to take the license test and there are several things to prepare step by step. Also the examination is pretty difficult, I should pump my whole effort into the preparation. And at the same time, I need to solve my military issue too. At this point, this year is a great challenging time to me to manage my time efficiently. Moreover, by this year I got a new relationship.
Making a good relationship with my girlfriend within other two important challenges will be a critical challenge in year 2014. This is my first time in relationship with girlfriend after I have entered an university, so it has significant implications. And because she has been intervened in my living pretty deeply now, making a harmonious relationship with her is related to my success of challenge directly.
Year 2014 is the year of three important challenges in my life. And they are preparing military officer to solve the military issue, preparation for the license examination and making great relationship with my girlfriend. In order to make my crucial challenges end in success, manage time economically and keep balance between three challenges are the important points that I should remember. I believe people who take challenges and eager to achieve them will succeed.
Hello, This is Jinsu Park from you class
ReplyDeleteIt's quite interesting that I have simmilar topic on challenges on this year which is totally different.
It was nice writing to read and interesting topic also for me.
You have nice 3 main issue you are dealing with. and it's nicely organized eaasay.
Even if it's personalized essay, i can totally be with you on relationship and army.
For the feedback part, It is mentioned in the conclusion part how to solve those challenges. But It seems not important in body part. So if 'how to deal' part in mentioned more in the body part, It will be better essay and get eaisier to read.
Thank you for the writing. - Jinsu Park
From Jinsu Park, To Youngkyung Ko Assignment 1
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is
It's quite interesting that I have simmilar topic on challenges on this year which is totally different.
It was nice writing to read and interesting topic also for me.
You have nice 3 main issue you are dealing with. and it's nicely organized eaasay.
Even if it's personalized essay, i can totally be with you on relationship and army.
2. Your main point seems to be
about you challenges in this year on army, license and relationship with girlfriends
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful!
in body paragraph 1, to solve the army issue you determined to be military offiecer. It was shocking that no much people become a officer to just solve a military issue. So it's quite interesting.
And for 3rd paragraph, It's nice to see you having a relationship. I hope to see her waiting for you for the army time.
4. some things arent clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved
In 2nd paragraph, pretty difficult. It seems not really formal and it's used in a casual way. It might have other word for it.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is
It is mentioned in the conclusion part how to solve those challenges. But It seems not important in body part. So if 'how to deal' part in mentioned more in the body part, It will be better essay and get eaisier to read.
Thank you for the writing