2014: A Sports Odyssey
Do you know when the average score of Sunung exam, which is an annual examination to enter Korean colleges, is the worst? Do you think the answer is the 2011 Sunung in which approximately 700,000 took the exam, or the 2002 Sunung which was reportedly the most complicated? The proper answer is, as surveys show, 2010. Can you find out why the average exam score is so low? In the year of 2010, three major international sports events were held: Winter Olympic, World Cup, and Asian Game. Examinees were not able to concentrate on their job because of the distracting atmosphere. Unfortunately, again this year 2014, that three sports events are going to be held all at once. The next step is to break the record of 2010. Thankfully, we are not the examinees this year, so we can amusingly watch the games: Sochi Winter Olympic, Brazil World Cup, and Incheon Asian Game. From now on we will check the events one by one.
First, we have already been hooked on the Sochi Winter Olympic. Even though the game was held late at night, we watched the glorious moment in which the Korean female skater Sanghwa Lee obtained the gold medal at 500m speed skating. Then we were furious that the Korean figure skater Yuna Kim received the silver medal, which failed to reach our expectation, because of the doubtful evaluation. And we were touched that the female Curling team struggled to win games despite the poor supporting. This Winter Olympic game finished in February already, but do not be disappointed. There will be the Brazil World Cup in summer.
On June 13, the exciting global festival will kick off: the FIFA World Cup Brazil 2014. Do you remember how the Korean soccer supporters cry out throughout games? Can you imagine that all the people cry out DE-HAN-MIN-GUK in the public square? We always do it whenever the international soccer event is held. The entire country is filled with the exciting atmosphere. Alcohol consumption rate becomes higher, and even pregnancy rate becomes higher. During the one month of events, we are half-insane. That time is coming. Are you ready to be crazy? Not to regret, make sure that you save some energy for the next festival. Especially this year, we host the 17th Asian Game in Incheon.
The two sports events that I told you are only warm-up sections before this main festival: the 17th Asian Games Incheon 2014! In September, you can experience this fabulous event not only through the TV broadcasting but also in a direct way because Korea is the host country this year. You can meet the star players from all over the Asia. You can have a chance directly to see the Korean star swimmer Taehwan Park or the strong-willed gymnast Hakson Yang. You can even meet the K-POP star band JYJ who sing the official song of the event. If you are interested in interpreting, go and register as a interpreting volunteer. Do not miss the chance to meet the Asia in a direct way.
I have told you about the three major international sports events which will make our life amusing this year. The more you know about something, the more amusingly you can enjoy it. Go collect more information and enjoy your sports odyssey in 2014. By the way, I need to say sorry to you. The Sunung thing I talked to you at the beginning of this piece of writing was a fiction. Sorry, but wasn’t it amusing?
To: Wonpil Lee From: Sujin Park Assignment: no.1_Topic:2014
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing :
- Three main ideas that the writer wants to say are very clearly developed.
- In each body paragraph, I like the use of energetic and live expressions, which go with the topic well.
- Many interrogative questions in this writing make reader become more interested in the writing.
- The whole flow is natural enough, so that the paragraphs are connected to each other well, which is easy to read and understand.
2. Your main point seems to be three major sports events in this 2014.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
- Words or lines : Do not miss the chance to meet the Asia in a direct way.
- I like it because : I think it is a good example of positive imperative sentence. This sentence is not directly telling that we should go Incheon and watch the Asian Games, but is very powerful to make the reader actually do that.
- Words or lines : 'we watched the glorious moment~' - 'Then we were furious that ~ ' - 'And we were touched ~' (2nd paragraph)
- I like it because : I like the natural flow and structure of the sentences. In this part, the similar subject-verb form is used repeatedly, which make the sentences are more connected to each other.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improve:
- Lines/parts : From now on we will check the events one by one.
- Need to improve because : Maybe this sentence is okay to be deleted,
so that the former one ('Thankfully, we are not the examinees this year, so we can amusingly watch the games: Sochi Winter Olympic, Brazil World Cup, and Incheon Asian Game.') can be a great thesis statement of this writing.
- Lines/parts : the 'Sunung thing' in the first and last paragraph
- Need to improve because : I think it is witty. However, it can be a little bit dangerous approach because it may give negative impression to some reader and thus lower the reliability of the whole writing.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing :
- Maybe it is better to be little more careful with using the pronoun 'we', because a reader can be anybody with any nationality. If the reader is a foreigner who have never experienced Korean culture before, he or she may not really understand or agree with some sentences. And perhaps in some parts, 'I told/have told you' expression is better to be changed somehow, because I think I rarely have seen that kinds of expression in the academic writing.