With Start and End Points, 2014 Begins
201003120 SeongHwa Jeong
People use the terminology “turning point” when they experience some changes in their life. I want to use that for my life of 2014 because it has turning points. Maybe those are not huge events as others’ view, but in this year there are two meaningful turning points that await me: first is to turn junior into senior, second is the end of the first quarter of my life. Each of two different things represents start or end. To become a new grade indicates a new start and to live 24-year-old life signifies the end of first quarter of 100-year life.
I’m a junior of HUFS’ Department of English Interpretation and Translation. Now I’m taking 2nd semester as a junior. Therefore in the second half of this year, I will start my semester as a senior. This factor makes my 2014 have one turning point. A senior is a student who prepares to graduate-even he/she did whatever in the school before and a graduation soon will be a foreseeable future. Turning to the last grade of the university is the start of my 2014.
Nowadays, people explain this time as the ‘era of a hundred’ which means people will normally live 100 years. If my life goes on about century, ‘24’ is the last age of the first quarter of 100. If life can be switched to a day that has 24 hours, in other words, 24-year-old person’s time is even before 6 o’clock. Overall the lifespan, I’m in the bed yet. Till the present I have learned and learned again. It is a warm-up exercise to carry out other stuffs upcoming my continuous journey. This year is the last time of sleeping. From the next year, I need to get up, wash my body, and do more practical things to act outside. 2014 is the finishing year of sleeping that charges the energy to get up and act. The last year of ¼ of my life is 2014’s important point.
These two points imply the two turning points including start and end. Starting is always challenging and renews my heart. On the other hands, finishing makes me look back myself and fix wrong or bad thing that I did. Luckily I can take both chances in 2014. The alpha and omega is in here. A good beginning is half the battle and all is well that ends well. I hope this year would be a solid foundation of my life.
Very clear writing so it is very easy to read. Your hook is rather typical. It looks like cliche rather than interesting hook so how about change it later. Also your first body paragraph and second body paragraph have too much differences in quantity. how about write more in first paragraph. Also your writing mostly says about the situation. You said that 2014 is the turning point, than how about more concrete expanation and plan about your changing. The changing part of your second paragraph looks a little bit abstract. But although all, your conclusing paragraph concludes everything and finish it clearly. So If you change the thing what I mentioned it would be much better.
ReplyDeleteTo. SeongHwa Jeong / From UnBae Kwon / Assignment 2014
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is your essay's structure. I have read almost 10 essays of my classmates, among them your essays' structure is best. The hook is very interesting, and the body paragraph is about the thing you mentioned in paragraph 1, and the last paragraph sums up the essay.
2. Your main point seems to be the “turning point” : a new start to live as 24 years old and the end of first quarter of 100-year life.
3. This particular line struck me as powerful: the sentence "in other words, 24-year-old person’s time is even before 6 o’clock". I'm also junior of this university, and 24 years old, but i didn't think about how long I lived. by reading this part of your essay, I could think about my age and what it means to me. thank you my friend.
4. This part could be improved: the contents. I think, more examples, more explanations, and more detailed are need in your body paragraph. because of the lack of the details, your story looks like imperfect.
5. Your essay's structure is almost perfect. The hook is very interesting, body paragraph contains what you mentions in first paragraph. but as I said, If more detailed had been added, your essay would have been better.