2014 is the year of change. In outside the world and inside of me, there are lots of changes in this year although this year only goes 3months. So from now on I want to talk about what was changed in my life at 2014. There are 3 big changes in my life which could be important to me.
The first change in my life in 2014 is that I changed my double major and I started to attend the English linguistic class. It was a really hard decision and I have been thought for this problem more than a year. But at last I figured out that the double major, management, were not suit with me. I have to found out a new career which will match me.
Also, it was the time that all my college friends free from the military service. We have no chance to meet each other since 2010 after we get into the college. It is really happy to see everybody is still happy. Although the 3rd grade is more pressing from the freshman so in my opinion we don't have much time that we used to met at the freshman, but any way having a friend who can have a meaningful time together in school life is also happy.
The last change in 2014 is that I quitted playing computer games. In these days I am so busy that I can't play any games so I have to quit it. In fact I really love playing games after I came into university and they give me power to relieve stress. Now I have to found new way to relieve my stress. Also I becoming more and more old and soon there will be the time that playing game will not match me anymore, so it would be wise if I quit before that time.
So, 2014 is really important year to me that there are so much surrounds are changing. I changed my double major and met all the friends that everybody finally finished military service. Also I quit playing computer games. They could be either good or bad and I am the one who will be to choose how the 2014 will be.
Peer Feedback
ReplyDeleteTo. Se Jong Lee / From. SeongHwa Jeong / Assignment 2014
1. What I like about this piece of writing is your honesty. I think some sources in your writing could be embarrassing thing. But you wrote them frankly. Your truthful writing was impressive.
2. Your main point seems to be the changes that occurred in past months of 2014.
3. This particular line struck me as powerful:the expression ”free from the military” hit my mind. You simply articulate the men’s mind when they end their military service.
4. This part could be improved: in the very first line you wrote change of the ‘world’ and you described only your changes. I think it was better if you didn’t use the word.
5. If you use an article precisely, your writing will get better. (Also it is my problem)
Thanks for your interesting work
To. SeJong Lee / From UnBae Kwon / Assignment 2014
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is your contents. I also changed my double major. I think you have to face same challenge like me. So It was really fun to read your story.
2. Your main point seems to be the 3 big changes in your life which could be important to you. The whole essay is about these 3 big changes, I think.
3. This particular line struck me as powerful:the sentence "the first change in my life in 2014 is that I changed my double major". As I mentioned, I also changed double major like you, by reading this sentence I could read the whole essay with sense of kinship
4. This part could be improved: You said your last change of your 3 big changes is to quit playing computer games. But as you said, it was regardless of your will. You had to quit playing computer games because you had no time. I think it's not a big change. If you really quit playing computer games by your will, it would be a really big change.
5. Your essay seems to so normal. No big problems, but no deep impression. If you changed your hook, your essay would be better than before