201301818 Yoon-Shik Shin
Professor Jon B. Halberg
2014 Writing Piece
The streets were filled with festive glee, as the rising of the sun signaled the dawning of a new year. Glancing at the urban landscape from within a rambling bus, it was not hard to notice many people walking across the crosswalk, their feet hurriedly carrying to wherever they are needed to go. Looking at dozens of people each leading their respectively hectic lives, was the trigger to reflect upon the past year. As if seeing through a kaleidoscope, the past year flashed across rapidly, each facet displaying a vivid imagery of the myriad of memories crafted in 2013. Although there were many personal advents as a college freshmen, the eerie presence of qualm grasping at the heart struck while pondering in the depths of reminiscence. The reality was that there were many elements in life that were unattended to. Consequently just as many people decide to set up extravagant resolution, a list of problems with the current life style was carefully, yet oddly clumsily organized into the diary.
Probably one of the biggest regrets of any college freshmen would probably be his grades. There are many ways to chip away from a perfect report card, and probably maintaining what Korean people usually label a "healthy" social life would be one of the leading causes. The ironic part of such life style is that it usually concerns a heavy intake of alcohol, which is in most cultures, not medically believed to be healthy to a man's body or his sanity. However regardless of its defects, alcohol consumption has been an inseparable part of a college student's life. It was a tool for social life which broke the ice between awkward when meeting new people, and any other occasion that students can provide and excuse for. Whether it be sunny or rainy, happy or sad, students would gather to share few shots of alcohol. If the time and money allocated to pursuing such entertainment were spent otherwise, it could have become the foundation for some other significant progress in life. In addition, being a freshmen acted as an understandable and somewhat legitimate excuse to become a master procrastinator in the context of Korean culture. Although it is a statement that is invalid according to rational reasoning, the crafty mind was skillful enough to induce the naive twenty-year old mind into thinking that his years inside a competitive college entrance system deserved to be rewarded by degenerating into a sloth. Consequently, excelling in academic fields has naturally become one of the most ambitious new year resolutions.
Equally important, another part of life that was neglected would probably be building onto whatever would later be pursued as a career after graduating from college. Having been enrolled into a undergraduates course for English interpretation and translation, many would be inclined to believe that the usual field of work is limited to interpreting, translating, or linguistic studies. However ever since a very young age, the aspirations as to what sort of job or work to pursue has been very specific and clear. However the first year as a college student was idly spent lavishly while focusing solely on other aspects of life. In retrospect , it is a shameful pity but simultaneously it is the impetus for self-motivation to apply major reforms to the current life style.
In addition, in the past year problems regarding personal health was completely neglected. A major example would be weight-gain. Of course a gluttonous diet accompanied by a severe lack of exercise to extreme extents would provide the perfect conditions to promote sudden increase in body fat. Nevertheless, as a college student living alone for the first time, with no one to restrict him and his self-restraint at a all time low, digging deeper into the abyss of late night snacking and drinking was practically unavoidable. Aside from minor health problems, the neglect over a major health issue led to the development of a much more dire circumstance. Therefore in the upcoming year an improvement in health is expected through regular exercise and medical treatments.
The new year, according to the Chinese zodiac, is the year of the Blue Horse. The horse is a represents many attributes of life but apparently one of the widely known symbolism is hope. Hope is a very vague word but one that carries weight. In early adolescence, there was a book describing how luck only approaches those who prepare for it. Likewise with hope, it probably only visits those who deserve to receive it. The sunlight bleeding through the window of the bus felt warm, as if it was embodying a sense of encouragement to excel and succeed.
To yoonshik shin from Byungwook Kim(201300476 EIT)
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this writing is in its variety of expressions and structure. You writing seems to contain something what my writing seems to have missing. Also It’s good to see a piece of writing that is not in Korean style.
2. You’re main point seems to be your regrets you had in your freshman year and the determination not to repeat those mistakes.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful : As if seeing through a kaleidoscope, the past year flashed across rapidly, each facet displaying a vivid imagery of the myriad of memories crafted in 2013. – because I can visualize your sentence.
4. Supporting ideas in body paragraphs seem a bit weak, but considering the essay you have posted is more of a retrospective one, I guess logical structure won’t be a big issue.
5. I am mostly pleased with the way of your writing, but to mention, I personally think it may be helpful for you to considering writing in shorter sentence to convey an element of veracity in it.
Reflecting and Striving
ReplyDelete201301818 Yoon-Shik Shin 2014 Writing Piece
The streets were filled with festivities, as the sun signaled the dawning of a new year. Peeking through the windows of a rambling bus, the cityscape flashed by. Many people were walking across the four-way intersection, their feet hurriedly carrying their owners to their respective hectic lives. The encounter with the crowd of busy people triggered a guilt trip to the past year. Although there were many personal advents as a college freshman, the eerie presence of qualm grasped at the heart. There were many parts of life that were unattended to; most of which were pretty crucial to life. Therefore instead of a list of extravagant New Year’s resolutions, a list of problems with the past year was made so that the New Year will not become a rep
For most college freshmen, one of the biggest regrets would probably relate to his grades. There are many ways to decrease our GPA, and maintaining what Koreans often describe as a “healthy” social life could be one of them. The ironic part about this life style is that is usually concerns heavy intake of alcohol which is not believed to be healthy to a man’s body or his sanity. Regardless of its obvious defects, alcoholic beverages have been a inseparable tool for a college student’s social life. Whatever the occasion was, drinking was always justified. If the time and money spent on pursuing such temporary form of entertainment were spent otherwise, it could have become the foundation for some other significant progress in life.
In addition, medical issues were also neglected in the past year. Ever since a car accident in the 9th grade, there have been symptoms of disc hernia in two parts of the spine. However, because of extracurricular activities, visits to the hospital were infrequent. The neglect over this major health issue led to more dire circumstances. Another major health issue would be weight-gain. As a college student living alone, excessive intake of calories is somewhat inevitable. Therefore in the upcoming year an improvement in health is expected through regular exercise and medical treatments.
Equally important, another part of life that was neglected would probably be building onto whatever would later be pursued as a career after graduating from college. Having been enrolled into an undergraduate’s course for English interpretation and translation, many would be inclined to believe that the usual field of work is limited to interpreting, translating, or linguistic studies. However ever since a very young age, my aspirations as to what sort of career to pursue has been specific and clear. It is a pity that the first year of college was spent rather lavishly, focusing on other aspects of life. But in the coming year, past mistakes will become the impetus for self-motivation.
The New Year, according to the Chinese zodiac, is the year of the Blue Horse. The horse is a represents many attributes of life but apparently one of the widely known symbolism is hope. Hope is a very vague word but one that carries weight. In early adolescence, there was a book describing how luck only approaches those who prepare for it. Likewise with hope, it probably only visits those who deserve to receive it. The sunlight bleeding through the window of the bus felt warm, as if it was embodying a sense of encouragement to excel and succeed.