3 things that I want to do in 2014
When I got up in first day of this year, I wrote lists what I want to do in this year. So many things appeared, but I chose only 3things. First one is writing a portfolio about my bicycle trip in 2013. I made a team and named Turkey riding. We rode a bicycle in Turkey for 40days. We met every weeks to plan trip before going Turkey. After travel, we made a book, video and show our story about Turkey to my club members. We also had a chance to appear on television "세상은 넓다" All the activities was unforgettable experiences and I think these experiences can support me someday. So I want to collect all materials and documents about this trip. If it is possible, I want to comment my feelings to each event. It is my first goal in 2014
Next, I want to enhance my presentation ability. It's a my favorite area for a long time. But I didn't have a chance to learn about it. Hopefully, I got to know presentation club named "PT club" and I joined it. We, Pt club's members, practice presentation every weekend and give feedbacks. Sometimes we take a lesson from MVPs who are achieved recognition as specialists from Microsoft. Furthermore I take a presentation class in Hufs. It also give me a many chance to take presentation and I can learn lots of things from the class. To enhance my presentation skills, I'll try to work hard both club and class.
My final goal is studying English hard. Next semester, I plan to perform internship at Korean culture center. I visited Korean culture center in Turkey last year and saw many foreigners who were interested in Korean culture. I also saw staff who introduced Korean culture such as food, Korean, music and picture. After visiting there, I planed to be a staff in Korean culture center. To perform this internship, I should show English certificate. But I didn't prepare it. So this year I study English hard to get it.
It's with pleasure that I can have a goal about Turkey portfolio, presentation and English. To achieve my goals, I will do my best this year.
TO: HAEUNG JUNG
ReplyDeleteFROM: KIM HAYOON
Hello.
In the essay, you talked about three goals that you would like to accomplish this year. It seems you are interested in Turkey! I liked the contents of your essay, especially the one about the biking trip in Turkey. How you put effort in enhancing presentation skills really struck me.
It would be better if you can seperate the introduction and the body paragraph in the first part of your essay. Also, try to add more sentences in the concluding paragraph so that it maintains balance between other paragraphs:)
To HAEUNG JUNG From JISUK LEE Assignment #1_2014
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is:
you selected 3 things that you'd like to talk about, and they appear clearly in your body paragraphs.
2. Your main point seems to be:
3 things that you want to do in 2014
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
We also had a chance to appear on television "세상은 넓다"
I like them because: It's unusual and unforgettable experience to appear on television, I envy you!
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
In my opinion, it would be better if you add some sentences in your conclusion part.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is:
I recommend you to divide this essay into 5 paragraphs; writing a portfolio about bicycle trip in 2013 could be the 1st body paragraph :)
From Youngkyung Ko to Haeung Jung
ReplyDelete1. First this writing do not make me boring. Your personal experience is really interesting and your other two things are appear in your writing clearly.
2. I think your main point of this writing is about 3 things that you plan to do in 2014.
3. The story of your experience as a member of Turkey riding and 'We also had a chance to appear on television "세상은 넓다" ' because its unusual experience to get on a television once in a lifetime.
4. I think your writing has no actual wrong parts but I have confusion about intro and body parts are combined together. You might separate them each parts.
5. As I mentioned in number 4, you might separate introduction and body parts to each parts. And if you specify 'Thesis' in introduction, your writing will be more organized.